Ranting about Disjoins

Ever get so darn aggravated at yourself that you are tired of the crap? I don't know how many times I have sat in bed getting on myself because I did 'it' again. That 'it' includes things like saying the wrong thing, eating to much of this or that, etc.

Well I am sick of treating my body like it is nothing. I eat something everyday that I know is going to make me hurt. My body hurts so bad it is ridiculous. I am 43 years old and I feel like I am so much older. I wake up and my eyes feel so puffy, my side aches, my knees hurt, my legs hurt, even my feet hurt. I am so sick of saying I am tired of this.

I don't know what it is. In the moment I just do it, then it is done and I am in the same spot I always am. I physically can't make myself run.  Yesterday I walked around the school and my knees didn't like it one bit.  I stand up and everything is stiff.  I AM SICK OF FEELING THIS AUGHNESS.

How do you make something change? I don't know what to do about food. I can't walk away from it. I would love to say I am only going to eat such and such but then the moment comes and that is out the window.

I will say I have gone 8 days with doing yoga, first thing in the morning. I started a new gym about 2 weeks ago and have only been on the day I started up.  I had planned on walking 30 days straight and I have done 3.

Movement is not really what I need though, it is to change my food habits and I don't know how to do it.

I am going to say I am going to check in daily and update my day.

Hope to see you tomorrow.